Saturday, 13 November 2010
What do you do, who do you turn to?
Having had a weigh in and lost no weight I started a downward spiral. I've drunk a lot of wine, I've not slept, I'm thinking if cutting myself and I don't know who to turn to. I came down if the initial high of seeing dd and all the gym stuff but I seem to have plummeted big time. I don't know who to talk to, who to see, who to confide in or who to attempt to tell how I'm feeling. I don't think I even know how I'm feeling myself right now. The urge to cut is so strong yet I know it's so wrong and would be taking a step back but the difference in my mood between a fortnight ago and now has scared me more than anything. I was doing so well I was prepared to come off the venlafaxine but now I just don't know. The sheer high from dd almost seems like mania compared to how I feel now. In 2 hours time I'm meant to be doing a fast walk but I don't know how as I've do many prescription drugs flowing through me! I'm feeling really desperate.
Sunday, 31 October 2010
The Shame - Part1
One of the things DD banned me from last week was alcohol: he also showed me the weight loss record of another client from July 2010. Banning alcohol doesn't really have that much effect on me because as methotrexate is toxic to organs, I'm not meant to drink at all, or certainly only small amounts occasionally. And the majority of the time I don't drink.
On Friday my research group went out for an Indian. We met in a pub beforehand and I was excellent, only having a sparkling water and lime. Journied on to the Indian where I ordered lamb garlic chilli and boiled rice (breaking red meat ban and carbs ban) and tucked into poppadums. I accepted one glass of wine. I was telling one of my colleagues about the diet sheet a personal trainer had given me (not mentioning that he was my personal trainer) and explaining 5 small meals a day, no carbs etc. I went on to say how he was built like a tank and drop dead gorgeous. Conversation continued on until someone got up from the table directly opposite me and I heard this voice: "Alhi, well hello!" Gulp, it was DD. I glanced at wine glass and looking like a rabbit caught in headlights said Hello as silence fell around my table and everyone stared at him. He said "I hope you have a packed lunch with you!" At which stage I mouthed "F*** off" and he disappeared to the toilet. I was mortified and could feel the colour rushing to my face. However, worse was to come.
On Friday my research group went out for an Indian. We met in a pub beforehand and I was excellent, only having a sparkling water and lime. Journied on to the Indian where I ordered lamb garlic chilli and boiled rice (breaking red meat ban and carbs ban) and tucked into poppadums. I accepted one glass of wine. I was telling one of my colleagues about the diet sheet a personal trainer had given me (not mentioning that he was my personal trainer) and explaining 5 small meals a day, no carbs etc. I went on to say how he was built like a tank and drop dead gorgeous. Conversation continued on until someone got up from the table directly opposite me and I heard this voice: "Alhi, well hello!" Gulp, it was DD. I glanced at wine glass and looking like a rabbit caught in headlights said Hello as silence fell around my table and everyone stared at him. He said "I hope you have a packed lunch with you!" At which stage I mouthed "F*** off" and he disappeared to the toilet. I was mortified and could feel the colour rushing to my face. However, worse was to come.
Wednesday, 27 October 2010
Chastised
And so, to prove that this blog will share the good and bad of the personal training and weight loss programme, I was seriously told off at today's session by DD. I lost no weight. He started by saying that he wasn't just about training that it was about major lifestyle changes. He even told me to look at him when he was talking as I was looking at the ground. I felt like a recalcitrant school girl who had been caught smoking or drinking on school grounds. He said that in the first six weeks the weight should be dropping off me. So, he's set a weight loss target of 4lb between today and next Tuesday. GULP. And if I thought he was mad today I'll see 4 times worse next week if I haven't lost the weight. And then the session started. It was back to the legs and it was longer and tougher than the first time. He did, however, admit that I was extremely strong and a lot fitter than he had thought and it was the swimming.
I have one day off between now and seeing him next Tuesday. On Saturday. But I'm going to have to swap the Sunday stuff for Sunday as I'm at home for my mum's birthday. And a strict diet between now and Tuesday. I'm exhausted. I was hoping for tomorrow as a rest day and I was going to rest and not even go for a swim.
I have one day off between now and seeing him next Tuesday. On Saturday. But I'm going to have to swap the Sunday stuff for Sunday as I'm at home for my mum's birthday. And a strict diet between now and Tuesday. I'm exhausted. I was hoping for tomorrow as a rest day and I was going to rest and not even go for a swim.
Thursday, 21 October 2010
Life
And so, today it was the stomach and arms. First though it was the weigh in - I lost 2lb! I couldn't believe it: since the first weigh in I have eaten 4 cupcakes, 2 caramel squares and a caramel muffin: not good: far more than I normally eat of sweet stuff. So clearly the FBD is working. As of tomorrow though, it's working on the diet and exercise. DD gave me his diet sheet: I would definitely lose weight following it: 5 small meals a day with some of the meals comprising nuts, seeds, yoghurts: not stuff that I can like and actually stuff that makes me want to puke. So I'm going to essentially be cutting out the crap and eating sensibly. I'm to lose another 2lb by next Wednesday but I'd love to lose more. Tomorrow is rest day so I'm going to have a swim instead. Unfortunately I have to go Saturday and Sunday though:(
As for the stomach and arms, it was fairly tough. I made the mistake of saying that only my thighs were sore after last week and I could manage everything and then said I have a high pain threshold - well after having hip pain for so long, various other joints aching on a regular basis and a hip replacement, if I couldn't tolerate pain then I'd be pretty pathetic! Anyway, I think it is now his mission to make me feel serious pain (from my muscles being used!). I can feel my shoulders have been used but that's it. I love the weights work, could do without the treadmill. Sometimes though, I think that my arms bulk up fairly quickly, but I'm sure DD won't have me looking like a sumo wrestler.
He could only take me next Wednesday at 11.30 so I'm being naughty and cancelling my blood tests and asthma review. I'll make them for again though once I look at my diary and schedule in my appointments with DD. They're more important right now!
On other stuff, things continue as normal. Work is rubbish, the cuts are hitting higher education and we were told yesterday that the biggest expenditure in our department is salaries. So with the end of probation approaching I'm not holding out many hopes for actually being confirmed and progressing on. I also didn't get shortlisted for a job somewhere else that a friend did get shortlisted for, who hasn't yet got their PhD. I've asked for feedback but got some rubbish back so I asked for more, but no reply yet. I'm not letting it go and I told them I knew someone without a PhD had been shortlisted. It just really annoyed and upset me. I think it's lucky that I have DD and the gym to get rid of my frustration otherwise I'd be using other more harmful ways.
As for the stomach and arms, it was fairly tough. I made the mistake of saying that only my thighs were sore after last week and I could manage everything and then said I have a high pain threshold - well after having hip pain for so long, various other joints aching on a regular basis and a hip replacement, if I couldn't tolerate pain then I'd be pretty pathetic! Anyway, I think it is now his mission to make me feel serious pain (from my muscles being used!). I can feel my shoulders have been used but that's it. I love the weights work, could do without the treadmill. Sometimes though, I think that my arms bulk up fairly quickly, but I'm sure DD won't have me looking like a sumo wrestler.
He could only take me next Wednesday at 11.30 so I'm being naughty and cancelling my blood tests and asthma review. I'll make them for again though once I look at my diary and schedule in my appointments with DD. They're more important right now!
On other stuff, things continue as normal. Work is rubbish, the cuts are hitting higher education and we were told yesterday that the biggest expenditure in our department is salaries. So with the end of probation approaching I'm not holding out many hopes for actually being confirmed and progressing on. I also didn't get shortlisted for a job somewhere else that a friend did get shortlisted for, who hasn't yet got their PhD. I've asked for feedback but got some rubbish back so I asked for more, but no reply yet. I'm not letting it go and I told them I knew someone without a PhD had been shortlisted. It just really annoyed and upset me. I think it's lucky that I have DD and the gym to get rid of my frustration otherwise I'd be using other more harmful ways.
Monday, 18 October 2010
Jinx
Following on from Saturday's FBD and the disaster with the treadmill being in mph and not kph I went to my own gym today to do the FBD (and tomorrow and Wednesday). I'm meant to do 30 mins leading to 3km of varying inclines and distances. I followed DD's notes to the letter ... and ended up with 33 mins and 2.94km. I have no idea where I'm going wrong. I also skipped the stretches again. I know, I know, it's bad of me, but I hate doing them. I'll try and do most of them before bed tonight to make up for it. I think the FBD got slightly easier today from when I first did it: I could only manage 20 lengths after the first time but managed 40 lengths today. On the other hand that could be because I didn't do the stretches. Sigh.
I don't know if I mentioned I have a new admin role in my dpeartment. It's running a new personal tutor scheme essentially, but as all other schemes have slowly petered out (actually fairly quickly) it was a role that no one else would want. Anyway, so far it seems to be going ok (it involved designing a new framework) and tonight I got an email from a member staff saying I was doing a great job. It really is things like that that make all the difference.
Wish me luck for tomorrow's FBD and hopefully it will be 30mins this time!
I don't know if I mentioned I have a new admin role in my dpeartment. It's running a new personal tutor scheme essentially, but as all other schemes have slowly petered out (actually fairly quickly) it was a role that no one else would want. Anyway, so far it seems to be going ok (it involved designing a new framework) and tonight I got an email from a member staff saying I was doing a great job. It really is things like that that make all the difference.
Wish me luck for tomorrow's FBD and hopefully it will be 30mins this time!
Sunday, 17 October 2010
Round 2
So, round 2 with dishy Dave (DD) was on Friday. Hurting slightly more after that one. It was time to work on bum, thighs and shoulders. Apparently I am strong as well as flexible. Strange the things you learn:)
It was all about lunges and step-ups onto benches. I actually thought I couldn't do lunges or step ups but he has a rope type thing that helps stablise you. I still felt pretty unsafe doing the step ups! He warned me I would be sore on the Saturday but I was nowhere near as bad as I expected to be. My thighs were, and still are, the most painful, but my bum and shoulders are fine (must be the swimming). I had 'homework' to do yesterday: the dreaded treadmill workout. I was at home at my parents so had to go to the public gym there (actually state of the art). It was hilarious: first off, the treadmill was programmed to miles so I was working out the equivalent of 6km/hour in miles/hour and so on, for 30 mins! I walked for 1.8 miles which I think is equivalent to 3km? It was only when I finished did I work out you could change the programming to km/hour! Talk about feeling foolish. I will admit to not doing the stretches: I was slightly worried that if I lay down on the mat that I wouldn't be able to get up again!
Today then was rest day and then the next 3 days is the treadmill routine until I see him on Thursday. Treadmill routine is known as fat burning day (FBD). I have no idea if it's working as I've eaten like a pig for the last few days so not sure if I will meet my target of 3lb off by Thursday. Will keep plugging away though.
On Friday when I arrived home to do a quick clean before heading to the parental home. I had a leak in my en suite from the flat above. I had had a minor dripping leak when the shower was on in the flat above a few weeks ago but I reported it to the management company and it was fixed, or so I thought. It turns out that the owner of the flat refused to allow the janitor to fix the leak saying he would do it himself. Well, it's backfired on him as now there's a hole in my ceiling which will need fixed and he's going to be billed for it. As I put in a new en suite last year I want it back to looking perfect.
It was all about lunges and step-ups onto benches. I actually thought I couldn't do lunges or step ups but he has a rope type thing that helps stablise you. I still felt pretty unsafe doing the step ups! He warned me I would be sore on the Saturday but I was nowhere near as bad as I expected to be. My thighs were, and still are, the most painful, but my bum and shoulders are fine (must be the swimming). I had 'homework' to do yesterday: the dreaded treadmill workout. I was at home at my parents so had to go to the public gym there (actually state of the art). It was hilarious: first off, the treadmill was programmed to miles so I was working out the equivalent of 6km/hour in miles/hour and so on, for 30 mins! I walked for 1.8 miles which I think is equivalent to 3km? It was only when I finished did I work out you could change the programming to km/hour! Talk about feeling foolish. I will admit to not doing the stretches: I was slightly worried that if I lay down on the mat that I wouldn't be able to get up again!
Today then was rest day and then the next 3 days is the treadmill routine until I see him on Thursday. Treadmill routine is known as fat burning day (FBD). I have no idea if it's working as I've eaten like a pig for the last few days so not sure if I will meet my target of 3lb off by Thursday. Will keep plugging away though.
On Friday when I arrived home to do a quick clean before heading to the parental home. I had a leak in my en suite from the flat above. I had had a minor dripping leak when the shower was on in the flat above a few weeks ago but I reported it to the management company and it was fixed, or so I thought. It turns out that the owner of the flat refused to allow the janitor to fix the leak saying he would do it himself. Well, it's backfired on him as now there's a hole in my ceiling which will need fixed and he's going to be billed for it. As I put in a new en suite last year I want it back to looking perfect.
Thursday, 14 October 2010
Wednesday, 13 October 2010
First session
OMG that was tough. I was sweating before I even started out of nerves alone! And then the stretches(!) really killed me. Which is strange because I was actually very flexible (surprisingly). So flexible that I couldn't fell any strecth in my hamstrings no matter what he had me do (before the hip went bad on me I could put my hands flat on the floor without bending my knees). The worst one were the abdominal crunch type things: I have no stomach muscles. The rest of my muscles keep me upright. Once the strecthes were done it was on to the treadmill. Have I ever said how much I hate the treadmill? Well I do. Half an hour on that at an average speed of 6km/h and an incline. I surprised myself on that actually: at one point I did say that I didn't think I could go on but I think he pushed another 15 mins out of me to make it 30 mins in total. I did think at one point that I was going to be sick as I went really cold (with the sweat pouring off me!). When I finally got off the torture machine I was weak and staggering, but I managed to walk to work, which was probably the best thing as it meant I didn't go home and collapse and potentially stiffen up. I made into the pool for 20 lengths after the session, but I normally do 60 if I've been in the gym (or rather my idea of being in the gym!) so that showed how hard I'd been worked.
Unfortunately, I went to the gym with no food for afters so I went into Tesco and bought a sandwich (not bad) and maltesers for tonight and the TV. Argh. Next session is on Friday and I will be prepared with some healthy snack upon finishing.
I weigh 15 stone and he wants me to lose 3lb by this time next week, so encouraging words please!
Tomorrow is my heavy teaching day and my office hours and I've a shed load of stuff to do, so here's hoping I don't wake up as stiff as a board.
There's a measles outbreak where I live and now I'm petrified after chickenpox in the summer that I'll catch it! Must check on t'interweb and see what methotrexate does to it.
Unfortunately, I went to the gym with no food for afters so I went into Tesco and bought a sandwich (not bad) and maltesers for tonight and the TV. Argh. Next session is on Friday and I will be prepared with some healthy snack upon finishing.
I weigh 15 stone and he wants me to lose 3lb by this time next week, so encouraging words please!
Tomorrow is my heavy teaching day and my office hours and I've a shed load of stuff to do, so here's hoping I don't wake up as stiff as a board.
There's a measles outbreak where I live and now I'm petrified after chickenpox in the summer that I'll catch it! Must check on t'interweb and see what methotrexate does to it.
Wednesday, 6 October 2010
Personal trainer
And so, I met with dishy Dave today. It was just an introductory meeting, what did I want from it, short, medium, longterm goals. So short term goal is to lose weight, medium term is to run a leg of a marathon (if that's wise given the hip) and long term is next September to walk into the department and have people ask who's that! It's going to be hardcore, DD is hardcore, but it's what I want as I want to be slim, fit, healthy, feel more confident, have a higher self-esteem and just feel good about myself. So, I'm in it for the long run (no pun intended). I'm going to be completely broke, especially as I need new trainers and the actual training is going to cost me £35 a go and I'm seeing DD twice each week for the next two weeks. But it WILL be worth it.
I went to the asthma nurse and have to take my peak flow readings morning and evening for the next 3 weeks. It was still 350 today, so lower than the 465 it should be, sounds significantly lower to me. It will be interesting to see what it's like over the next few weeks.
Work is hectic: I have a new admin role running a personal tutor system and I'm not sure how it's working. As usual some members of staff refuse to do it, so our head of education is telling the head of school but I'm not convinced the head will do anything which means that a number of students will not have a personal tutor. And potentially means I'll be taking up the shortfall.
I went to the asthma nurse and have to take my peak flow readings morning and evening for the next 3 weeks. It was still 350 today, so lower than the 465 it should be, sounds significantly lower to me. It will be interesting to see what it's like over the next few weeks.
Work is hectic: I have a new admin role running a personal tutor system and I'm not sure how it's working. As usual some members of staff refuse to do it, so our head of education is telling the head of school but I'm not convinced the head will do anything which means that a number of students will not have a personal tutor. And potentially means I'll be taking up the shortfall.
Monday, 4 October 2010
So
Switzerland was fab, so fab I went back to Geneva for a long weekend over my birthday:) I had a chest infection at the end of August and coughed until I got to Geneva: that's how clean the air is. Everything about the country is amazing: the mountains, the people, the scenery, the watches, the chocolate:) Unfortunately the chocolate was too nice and I did nothing but eat it. Weight is all back and on and more.
The chest infection has left my breathing not quite right - I know because I swim so much and I can't swim as far without having to breathe. I went back to my GP who thinks I may have slight asthma. Unfortunately she had to weigh me to work out what my peak flow should be:( I'm seriously obese - 15 stone. My peak flow should be about 465, it's 350. So I'm back to the asthma nurse on Wednesday for further tests. Then we had a chat about my weight. I did say that I'd been trying to lose it with weightwatchers but my heart hasn't been in it. And I'm starting a personal trainer on Wednesday. She said I could take in a food diary to her if I wanted to but I don't know. I may leave it for a bit. At the same time I wonder if it would be nice to just discuss it with someone. WW doesn't really allow for that.
Unfortunately because of my weight, next time I get my bloods done she wants me to have a diabetes check, cholestorel and thyroid:( I don't want to know my cholesterol levels. I'm thinking I may forget the next time at the end of October and maybe do it at the end of November... then this afternoon I got a phone call from the receptionist saying that next time I get my bloods done I have to get my B12 levels done too - no idea why: it must be something to do with the methotrextate but there's not overly much information on the internet.
Today I've gone cold turkey on the chocolate and sweets. I'm hoping to manage it for a week. Hopefully WW on Thursday night. Weekends are always bad. I want to lose weight so much. My GP is right, it will be better for my joints, my health, my peak flow, my heart, my self-esteem and my confidence. It may even help my depression which is rearing its ugly head right now. I can't get thoughts of razor blades and cutting myself out of my head.
The chest infection has left my breathing not quite right - I know because I swim so much and I can't swim as far without having to breathe. I went back to my GP who thinks I may have slight asthma. Unfortunately she had to weigh me to work out what my peak flow should be:( I'm seriously obese - 15 stone. My peak flow should be about 465, it's 350. So I'm back to the asthma nurse on Wednesday for further tests. Then we had a chat about my weight. I did say that I'd been trying to lose it with weightwatchers but my heart hasn't been in it. And I'm starting a personal trainer on Wednesday. She said I could take in a food diary to her if I wanted to but I don't know. I may leave it for a bit. At the same time I wonder if it would be nice to just discuss it with someone. WW doesn't really allow for that.
Unfortunately because of my weight, next time I get my bloods done she wants me to have a diabetes check, cholestorel and thyroid:( I don't want to know my cholesterol levels. I'm thinking I may forget the next time at the end of October and maybe do it at the end of November... then this afternoon I got a phone call from the receptionist saying that next time I get my bloods done I have to get my B12 levels done too - no idea why: it must be something to do with the methotrextate but there's not overly much information on the internet.
Today I've gone cold turkey on the chocolate and sweets. I'm hoping to manage it for a week. Hopefully WW on Thursday night. Weekends are always bad. I want to lose weight so much. My GP is right, it will be better for my joints, my health, my peak flow, my heart, my self-esteem and my confidence. It may even help my depression which is rearing its ugly head right now. I can't get thoughts of razor blades and cutting myself out of my head.
Sunday, 15 August 2010
checking in
It's been over 2 months since I posted so just a quick one to check in with everyone and say that I haven't disappeared off the face of the earth.
Chicken pox was NOT nice at all: I was covered in them. I read somewhere that the average number of spots is 200 but I had 200 on every limb and still have the marks to prove it. I had a ridiculously high temperature for a week or so and didn't budge from my bed for over a week: too weak. I lost a stone (now back on:() as I wasn't eating. At one point I was dehydrated. I went home to my parents and honestly believe that if I hadn't I would definitely had been in hospital, if not dead. I ended up off work for 6 weeks and really could have taken more as I still get exhausted very easily. I'm back at work 3 weeks and have spent every Thursday in bed as I was so tired. I'm off now for 2 weeks holidays, so hopefully they will revive me as I'm off to Switzerland: land of convalesence!
I was back at work all of 2 hours before my blood pressure rose and I felt like screaming. Just the utter discrimination of the place: someone getting proposed for accelerated probation for really no good reason and there's a possibility of me failing it (my probationary committee are saying this) as my teaching and admin are excellent but research may be thought of as lacking by the central university when the time comes. I got upset, but right now, frankly I don't care. Probationary isn't just about me being good enough for the university, it's about the university being good enough for me. So, if, this time next year, I fail then I will be sitting back and considering whether I want to stay in the university.
On other news, my book is finally published! I'm in the middle of posting copies to various people who deserve a free one. Just so relieved to have it out. I haven't even really told anyone in the department as they'll only want to know when the next one will be out rather than congratulating me. And there will be no book launch. Or if there is, the author won't be at it.
I've had a friend staying with me for the last week. I met her on an erasmus year abroad and hadn't seen her in 10 years: exhausted from the sightseeing and feeling slightly guilty that I didn't go out drinking in the evenings and show her the nightlife, but I didn't have the energy. As it stood, I left her up most nights and went to bed!
Chicken pox was NOT nice at all: I was covered in them. I read somewhere that the average number of spots is 200 but I had 200 on every limb and still have the marks to prove it. I had a ridiculously high temperature for a week or so and didn't budge from my bed for over a week: too weak. I lost a stone (now back on:() as I wasn't eating. At one point I was dehydrated. I went home to my parents and honestly believe that if I hadn't I would definitely had been in hospital, if not dead. I ended up off work for 6 weeks and really could have taken more as I still get exhausted very easily. I'm back at work 3 weeks and have spent every Thursday in bed as I was so tired. I'm off now for 2 weeks holidays, so hopefully they will revive me as I'm off to Switzerland: land of convalesence!
I was back at work all of 2 hours before my blood pressure rose and I felt like screaming. Just the utter discrimination of the place: someone getting proposed for accelerated probation for really no good reason and there's a possibility of me failing it (my probationary committee are saying this) as my teaching and admin are excellent but research may be thought of as lacking by the central university when the time comes. I got upset, but right now, frankly I don't care. Probationary isn't just about me being good enough for the university, it's about the university being good enough for me. So, if, this time next year, I fail then I will be sitting back and considering whether I want to stay in the university.
On other news, my book is finally published! I'm in the middle of posting copies to various people who deserve a free one. Just so relieved to have it out. I haven't even really told anyone in the department as they'll only want to know when the next one will be out rather than congratulating me. And there will be no book launch. Or if there is, the author won't be at it.
I've had a friend staying with me for the last week. I met her on an erasmus year abroad and hadn't seen her in 10 years: exhausted from the sightseeing and feeling slightly guilty that I didn't go out drinking in the evenings and show her the nightlife, but I didn't have the energy. As it stood, I left her up most nights and went to bed!
Sunday, 13 June 2010
Thursday, 10 June 2010
Cat II
He's home! He was trapped in the roofspace of an empty house behind us. So relieved. Going for a nap now as I've scarcely slept since he went missing.
Wednesday, 9 June 2010
Monday, 7 June 2010
Last week
I didn't make it to WW last week and so didn't post my new weight. On Monday my parents went off on a city break arriving at 9pm that night. On Tuesday morning I got a phone call from my cousin's husband saying that her brother (my cousin) had committed suicide. I had to phone mum and dad and tell them. The immediate family were adamant that they weren't to come home so they didn't. The funeral was last week as well so I didn't make it back to university town to go to WW. I doubt I would have lost anything as I've been eating like a pig, and not a good pig.
It's strange the whole thing is preying much more on my mind now than last week. I can't stop thinking about him and what he did. And the thoughts are scaring me. The whole family is devastated, no note and left wondering why, especially as they all saw him in the previous two days and he was laughing and talking about what he was going to do the next day. They wonder was he looking to be found before dying as it was out in the open so to speak. But you can't wonder why, because sometimes there is no why and there just is. And I wish there wasn't.
It's strange the whole thing is preying much more on my mind now than last week. I can't stop thinking about him and what he did. And the thoughts are scaring me. The whole family is devastated, no note and left wondering why, especially as they all saw him in the previous two days and he was laughing and talking about what he was going to do the next day. They wonder was he looking to be found before dying as it was out in the open so to speak. But you can't wonder why, because sometimes there is no why and there just is. And I wish there wasn't.
Thursday, 27 May 2010
Thursday, 20 May 2010
Weight Loss - week 1
Yo! Lost 1.5lb: ovet the moon as no real change made to diet but have hit the gym again and slowly working it up to 45 mins cardio in gym and then a km swim. Once I've built up some sort of fitness and hopefully lost a few more pounds I hope to pluck up the courage to hire a personal trainer. GULP.
More later, marking to do, but:
Weight 14 ston2 11lb, weight loss 1.5lb:)
More later, marking to do, but:
Weight 14 ston2 11lb, weight loss 1.5lb:)
Monday, 17 May 2010
Slowly going mental
You know I like students and I enjoy the contact with them, but this practice exam question marking is driving me up the walls. I've been at it since around noon with a half hour break for lunch (to watch Drs) and I've only managed ten. I want to go to the gym after tea so I at least leave the house today and to attempt to get the old weight lower on Thursday but at this rate I'll only be half way through the 30 I have to mark (managed to do none over the weekend - was exhausted). I told them they would have them back by tonight at the latest but I don't want to be sitting up all night at them. Incidentally the 30 I have to mark does not include the latest 10 I got sent over the weekend! In one way it's great to see time being spent doing this, in another way I'm feeling a bit put upon that the other lecturer on the course has hardly any stuff to mark because he has gone through no questions and has given no indication as to what could be on the exam. I, on the other hand, have gone through past papers. The students are grateful though: it's just a pity that the gratefulness doesn't translate into a few thank you cards that I could show to my probation panel! A couple of boxes of chocs would be cool as well. No! They wouldn't! Devil, get behind me!
Still no word from university in New City: a lesson in doing a bit more prep for an interview. There's always next time round but it would have been so nice to get this job even if I turned it down. Did I mention that my external examiner for my module at my current university was on the panel and he was hot! Very easy on the eye. And so unlike his photo on the website! Definitely more talent there than my current place, sigh.
Still no word from university in New City: a lesson in doing a bit more prep for an interview. There's always next time round but it would have been so nice to get this job even if I turned it down. Did I mention that my external examiner for my module at my current university was on the panel and he was hot! Very easy on the eye. And so unlike his photo on the website! Definitely more talent there than my current place, sigh.
Thursday, 13 May 2010
stressing out.
I've been absent again because I've been so bloody busy and stressing out. We are coming up to exam period at my university and with it the attendant panicked students. On my desk I currently have 30 past paper questions to mark and give feedback on which will take me all weekend to do.
I had a few days annual leave earlier this week as I go shortlisted for the job in New City and stayed on a couple of days. I haven't heard anything yet so don't think I've got it. Bit disappointed but it may be for the best. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. I love the city, I know I would be happy there but the teaching methods in the law school are completely alien to me and I'm not sure I would suit them. Not getting it would mean that I wouldn't have a decision to make and would make my mum happy. She's already asked me if I'm going to just receive the rejection letter now and can barely keep the glee out of her voice.
I found a new blog a while back: someone is blogging their weight loss. So, seeing as I'm not happy with my weight at all and have been trying and failing to lose weight for quite a while now, I'm going to put my weight where my blog is. I'm going to weightwatchers but now, once a week, I'm putting my new (hopefully lower) weight online here so I'm accountable to you lot out there who read this. So, wish me luck, encourage me and send me some virtual chocolate please!
Here goes:
14 stone 12.5lb
I had a few days annual leave earlier this week as I go shortlisted for the job in New City and stayed on a couple of days. I haven't heard anything yet so don't think I've got it. Bit disappointed but it may be for the best. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. I love the city, I know I would be happy there but the teaching methods in the law school are completely alien to me and I'm not sure I would suit them. Not getting it would mean that I wouldn't have a decision to make and would make my mum happy. She's already asked me if I'm going to just receive the rejection letter now and can barely keep the glee out of her voice.
I found a new blog a while back: someone is blogging their weight loss. So, seeing as I'm not happy with my weight at all and have been trying and failing to lose weight for quite a while now, I'm going to put my weight where my blog is. I'm going to weightwatchers but now, once a week, I'm putting my new (hopefully lower) weight online here so I'm accountable to you lot out there who read this. So, wish me luck, encourage me and send me some virtual chocolate please!
Here goes:
14 stone 12.5lb
Wednesday, 28 April 2010
Tuesday, 20 April 2010
So...
... I've been rejected from another programme I applied to. Getting used to this really.
I ended up applying for that job in New City. I haven't heard anything yet but decided I would regret it if I didn't apply. It's strange, I would almost prefer not to even get shortlisted so that I didn't have the stress of preparing for an interview, possibly getting the job and then trying to make a decision as to what to do. It's not even that everything is going brilliantly at work now: I'm not getting to teach a new module because no new modules are running next year apparently. This is in spite of the fact that the module was approved to run last year and that it would potentially encourage students to do a new PG programme that is starting. I've also got a new admin post that I was asked to apply for: it's a huge role and will look great on my CV but I'm a bit worried that it will take up too much time.
I think one of the reasons I'm a bit wary about a new job in New City is that I'll leaving my support network behind. I don't mean that I have loads of friends who I confide in, but my family is near if I'm having a really bad time and need out, my GP is great and I have a couple of colleagues who are very supportive. Guess I'll just have to wait and see.
I'm feeling better than I was: not as sick anyway. I lost over half a stone over Easter as a reuslt of whatever it was I had. Still not 100% as my appetite isn't properly back yet (wouldn't mind if it stayed away for another stone's worth and took my sweet tooth with it forever). I went to the doctor about it as I was worried it was the methotrexate causing it, but she doesn't think so. If it interferes with my work I'm to phone and get a script for anti-sickness tablets. I'd rather be signed off sick!
I ended up applying for that job in New City. I haven't heard anything yet but decided I would regret it if I didn't apply. It's strange, I would almost prefer not to even get shortlisted so that I didn't have the stress of preparing for an interview, possibly getting the job and then trying to make a decision as to what to do. It's not even that everything is going brilliantly at work now: I'm not getting to teach a new module because no new modules are running next year apparently. This is in spite of the fact that the module was approved to run last year and that it would potentially encourage students to do a new PG programme that is starting. I've also got a new admin post that I was asked to apply for: it's a huge role and will look great on my CV but I'm a bit worried that it will take up too much time.
I think one of the reasons I'm a bit wary about a new job in New City is that I'll leaving my support network behind. I don't mean that I have loads of friends who I confide in, but my family is near if I'm having a really bad time and need out, my GP is great and I have a couple of colleagues who are very supportive. Guess I'll just have to wait and see.
I'm feeling better than I was: not as sick anyway. I lost over half a stone over Easter as a reuslt of whatever it was I had. Still not 100% as my appetite isn't properly back yet (wouldn't mind if it stayed away for another stone's worth and took my sweet tooth with it forever). I went to the doctor about it as I was worried it was the methotrexate causing it, but she doesn't think so. If it interferes with my work I'm to phone and get a script for anti-sickness tablets. I'd rather be signed off sick!
Thursday, 8 April 2010
Another disappointment
I applied for a workshop at a major US university and just got turned down. It does make me think if anything will actually work out for me as regards my research and my career. I don't wish to be world renowned or make truckloads of money: I care too much about the students and teaching to be that, but I would like to get a break every now and again.
Even my book isn't going well. It was supposed to be published on the 15 March but nothing. I was meant to get the final proofs three weeks ago but nothing. I've emailed a number of times and either don't get a reply or get told it will be with me at the end of the week. I was assured last week that the final proofs would be with me tomorrow at the latest, but I'm not holding out for that. I'm just so sick of the whole process right now and will never recommend this publisher to anyone in the future.
I've cut myself a couple of times as well and been feeling foul over the easter break: ill as well as depressed. I'm still not 100% right but at least I've eaten some chocolate.
Even my book isn't going well. It was supposed to be published on the 15 March but nothing. I was meant to get the final proofs three weeks ago but nothing. I've emailed a number of times and either don't get a reply or get told it will be with me at the end of the week. I was assured last week that the final proofs would be with me tomorrow at the latest, but I'm not holding out for that. I'm just so sick of the whole process right now and will never recommend this publisher to anyone in the future.
I've cut myself a couple of times as well and been feeling foul over the easter break: ill as well as depressed. I'm still not 100% right but at least I've eaten some chocolate.
Tuesday, 16 March 2010
On and on
I made the appointment to see my GP. It got fairly clear that my mood was getting worse rather than better. I can't see her until next week as she's on holiday but I wanted to wait rather than try and explain to someone else. And I was glad I made the appointment last week as this weekend everything hit lower than ever before. My friend (the one I was bridesmaid for) was staying the weekend with me and we got talking about a lot of things, including the behaviour of The Bully towards me. He is also a very good friend of hers and had been talking to her a bit about what happened between us in September when the emails passed back and forth between us (I had not mentioned that exchange to her). She appeared to largely side with him: I had been rude, stepped on his toes in alot of things, he had taken offence etc. etc. I broke down and cried and told her how he made my life a misery last year and that I hated him for doing that to me. She sensed that it was more than him and there was something wrong and so, for the first time ever, I told her about the counselling and also the effexor. She was shocked and it made me realise that I'm not alright and that I need to do something about it. The thing is I don't know what and I don't know what my GP can do. I've been to CBT twice, I've been on anti-depressants since October 2005, I'm not sure what else there is I can do and I'm beginning to wonder if it's just the way I am.
A job has been advertised in another university that I'm keen on applying to. I love the city it's in and know it well, but not sure what to do. It's at the other end of the country so to speak and I'm a bit uncertain about moving that far away. I guess I'm a bit of a home bird but it's also because my dad turned 70 the other week and it hit me that my parents are getting older. I'm not an only child but my brother and sister are both married. At the same time part of me feels that if I don't apply or if I don't move away soon then I may never do it. Ultimately I want to settle back in the area where I am because it's home with family and everything. So, I've a lot on my mind. Probably not the best time to be making any sort of decision either.
A job has been advertised in another university that I'm keen on applying to. I love the city it's in and know it well, but not sure what to do. It's at the other end of the country so to speak and I'm a bit uncertain about moving that far away. I guess I'm a bit of a home bird but it's also because my dad turned 70 the other week and it hit me that my parents are getting older. I'm not an only child but my brother and sister are both married. At the same time part of me feels that if I don't apply or if I don't move away soon then I may never do it. Ultimately I want to settle back in the area where I am because it's home with family and everything. So, I've a lot on my mind. Probably not the best time to be making any sort of decision either.
Thursday, 25 February 2010
Gutted
I've not had the greatest of weeks and it just got worse today. At the start of the week an abstract on a conference paper got rejected. The conference is the BIG one in my research area, only held every two years and my abstract got rejected the last time as well. It means my application for funding won't be accepted as you have to be presenting a paper. Which in turn is related to my probationary requirements for my current job.
Today, however, I got an even bigger shock. In my university people are put into units within their departments according to their research interests. I'm in unit X. Strictly speaking I should probably be in unit Y as I don't really fit into X research wise, but truthfully I don't fit into any of the current units in my department, including Y. Not only that, unit X is the only 'proper' legal unit, the rest are areas and odd "buzz word of the moment" units which are not strictly legal. My unit, however, in spite of being the only one which contains proper lawyers and who are all involved in teaching the core legal subjects has no clout whatsoever. We are viewed as peripheral to the department, a unit who largely moans, but our moans are legitimate. OK, I know I would say that, but an example: 300 students in every year, there were 3 members of staff teaching on the core modules, all from my unit. Some of the optional modules have less than 40 students in them and there are 3 members of staff teaching them. It doesn't take a genius to work out which staff have the heaviest marking and feedback load. Yet we all get the same credit for teaching.
Anyway, on with the tale: as a probationary member of staff, I have a 4 person committee within my unit who are to help me through. In January, one of the committee left for one of the other units. I was a bit concerned but I wasn't that friendly with him so recovered. Today, however, the Prof who I am really close to, I confide everything in her, told me she has left the unit as well for the same unit as my other committee member. I was shocked, gobsmacked, gutted, reeling. She could have told me she was retiring and I wouldn't have felt any worse. She said she wanted to be in a unit where the head of it has more clout (the head does) and would be better for her. She advised me to join it as well. I've gone through a range of emotions: upset, buckets of tears shed. Anger: if we hadn't had a module review meeting I would have found out by an email from my unit head saying she'd transferred. Confusion.
I can't leave my current unit, I enjoy the people in it. There's just no one left in it who has any appreciation of my work. Not that there are any in the other units either. In addition, the unit I would transfer to (the one my two committee members are now in) is where the bully is. I've been in 2 meetings with this guy this week and we've been at each other's throats. He is rude, he interrupts me constantly, he talks down to me: I couldn't cope with him being in my unit.
I'm also unclear as to whether the two staff who have departed my unit will still stay on my committee. I think it would be wrong to remove them but who knows?
I've been considering stopping the methotrexate in the hope my joints may swell and I could get signed off sick. That's how bad I'm feeling: I'm willing to risk my health. And the razors are never far from my thoughts either.
Today, however, I got an even bigger shock. In my university people are put into units within their departments according to their research interests. I'm in unit X. Strictly speaking I should probably be in unit Y as I don't really fit into X research wise, but truthfully I don't fit into any of the current units in my department, including Y. Not only that, unit X is the only 'proper' legal unit, the rest are areas and odd "buzz word of the moment" units which are not strictly legal. My unit, however, in spite of being the only one which contains proper lawyers and who are all involved in teaching the core legal subjects has no clout whatsoever. We are viewed as peripheral to the department, a unit who largely moans, but our moans are legitimate. OK, I know I would say that, but an example: 300 students in every year, there were 3 members of staff teaching on the core modules, all from my unit. Some of the optional modules have less than 40 students in them and there are 3 members of staff teaching them. It doesn't take a genius to work out which staff have the heaviest marking and feedback load. Yet we all get the same credit for teaching.
Anyway, on with the tale: as a probationary member of staff, I have a 4 person committee within my unit who are to help me through. In January, one of the committee left for one of the other units. I was a bit concerned but I wasn't that friendly with him so recovered. Today, however, the Prof who I am really close to, I confide everything in her, told me she has left the unit as well for the same unit as my other committee member. I was shocked, gobsmacked, gutted, reeling. She could have told me she was retiring and I wouldn't have felt any worse. She said she wanted to be in a unit where the head of it has more clout (the head does) and would be better for her. She advised me to join it as well. I've gone through a range of emotions: upset, buckets of tears shed. Anger: if we hadn't had a module review meeting I would have found out by an email from my unit head saying she'd transferred. Confusion.
I can't leave my current unit, I enjoy the people in it. There's just no one left in it who has any appreciation of my work. Not that there are any in the other units either. In addition, the unit I would transfer to (the one my two committee members are now in) is where the bully is. I've been in 2 meetings with this guy this week and we've been at each other's throats. He is rude, he interrupts me constantly, he talks down to me: I couldn't cope with him being in my unit.
I'm also unclear as to whether the two staff who have departed my unit will still stay on my committee. I think it would be wrong to remove them but who knows?
I've been considering stopping the methotrexate in the hope my joints may swell and I could get signed off sick. That's how bad I'm feeling: I'm willing to risk my health. And the razors are never far from my thoughts either.
Wednesday, 10 February 2010
Long time
I haven't written in nearly a month, simply because I've been too busy and have been close to tears virtually every evening after work. I made it through my teaching course and all the marking but it was a close shave. I was getting up in the morning feeling worse than I felt when I went to bed. It wasn't helped by the fact that my throat was still bad and I started a cough. I went back to the doctor who said it was clear and then I went back the following week to the nurse for blood tests and she sent me down to the doctor because I looked so bad and told her I felt so awful. It wasn't my usual doctor and I came close to breaking down as I told her I was close to tears most of the time. She gave me decongestants and said to come back if I felt no better. Two weeks later I was back with my own doctor who listened to my chest, gave me an inhaler and said to come back if no better after using it for 2 weeks. I've been using it a week now and I notice the difference after using it; however, I have finally made it back to the pool and I can tell from that that my breathing isn't right. Still another week to go. I also asked my GP when I was there if it would be crazy if I went skiing. I've been before when I was 16 on a school trip but I'd really like to try it again, and before I went skiing I want to do one of the day courses you can do at indoor slopes. She didn't see why not and said she'd check with hubby.
On other things, exam results are out. All my students passed, some of them did very well. Now starts the giving of feedback. I've already sent out the coursework feedback and said that if any of them want feedback on their exam to let me know. I'm seeing 2 so far, one tomorrow and one on Monday.
I'd felt slightly calmer until this week when I've just been inundated with admin and meetings and I'm starting to feel stressed and emotional again. I feel as if I've done far more than my other probationary colleagues, including those who started a year or more before me. I did all I said I would do last year, I've contributed to teaching on core modules, I've introduced one new module and hope to introduce another one next year as well as contributing to a new masters course that looks like starting. Yet that wasn't considered sufficient and I was made head of a year as well meaning I deal with all student problems as well as sit on every committee there is. And they call that light admin. The worst thing is that one colleague who started with me didn't get done what she said she'd do for last October until August and she gets no admin. Another guy doesn't do any marking, gets away with, gets away with being a crap lecturer and he gets no admin because everyone knows he won't do it. It's clearly a case of being punished with admin because you show you can do what you say. I have a meeting with the head of department and my probationary committee at the start of March and if I continue feeling as stressed and down as I do now I will be bringing a lot of this up with them.
On other things, exam results are out. All my students passed, some of them did very well. Now starts the giving of feedback. I've already sent out the coursework feedback and said that if any of them want feedback on their exam to let me know. I'm seeing 2 so far, one tomorrow and one on Monday.
I'd felt slightly calmer until this week when I've just been inundated with admin and meetings and I'm starting to feel stressed and emotional again. I feel as if I've done far more than my other probationary colleagues, including those who started a year or more before me. I did all I said I would do last year, I've contributed to teaching on core modules, I've introduced one new module and hope to introduce another one next year as well as contributing to a new masters course that looks like starting. Yet that wasn't considered sufficient and I was made head of a year as well meaning I deal with all student problems as well as sit on every committee there is. And they call that light admin. The worst thing is that one colleague who started with me didn't get done what she said she'd do for last October until August and she gets no admin. Another guy doesn't do any marking, gets away with, gets away with being a crap lecturer and he gets no admin because everyone knows he won't do it. It's clearly a case of being punished with admin because you show you can do what you say. I have a meeting with the head of department and my probationary committee at the start of March and if I continue feeling as stressed and down as I do now I will be bringing a lot of this up with them.
Wednesday, 13 January 2010
AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH
This post probably won't make much sense to many of you but I'm going to try.
Contrary to popular belief, universities are not there to teach students, but to research. Most of the funding comes from research and every 6 years or so our research is assessed and money allocated accordingly. So, the emphasis is on research and most of the pressure and stress we have is related to researc pressure and how to balance the teaching with the need to publish publish publish. Really the phrase "publish or perish" is not a joke. In the last 6 months or so I have been thinking of writing a book on a particular topic that I thought was fairly topical and quite interesting. However, I was uncertain about writing it alone given just having finshed the book conversion for my thesis so I thought of an edited collection. Because I'm inexperienced in such matters (how do you get people to write for you, for example?) I asked my former PhD supervisor to edit it with me: his name and experience would be invaluable for me and his name on the book and when asking people to write a piece for it would be great as well. I told him I was willing to do the donkey work (chasing people, editing, dealing with publishers etc) and asked him to think about. I had already spoken briefly to a couple of publishers and both thought it sounded interesting. Anyway, he said he would think about it before Christmas and got back to me then today. He said he would like to be involved as he thought it sounded interesting but was concerned about other work commitments. He then went on to say that he had asked one of his PhD students (a friend of mine) to be involved and help me with the editing. He said he should have asked me first (uh, yes) and apologised for not. Now I know this girl, I've blogged briefly about it her: she's very good, probably a better academic than I ever will be, but she can make me feel so inferior: she got a job before finishing her PhD, she's on at least 5 grand more than me (in another university) and has already a number of publications. I intended asking her to write a chapter for the collection, but I'm not sure I want her name on the cover. It's even worse because I had never mentioned the possibility of a book to her, not out of malice but because it's barely a half baked idea. Now my former supervisor has asked her and I'm not sure what to say. I replied to my former supervisor and said that I was non committal about it and needed to think about it. So I'm in a quandrary. I don't want her taking control of it, but if she's an editor she has as much say as I do. Even worse, she phoned me this morning to see how I was, but I was in a marking meeting and now she's emailed me. I hadn't phoned her back this afternoon as I was busy but now I'm avoiding her as I don't know what to say. I think I'm going to have to be honest and say I need to think about it as I hadn't even anticipated my supervisor saying yes.
On top of all that, I have 160 exam questions to mark, a teaching course all next week, another module to mark the following week and two assignments of my own to write. And people think I do nothing.
Contrary to popular belief, universities are not there to teach students, but to research. Most of the funding comes from research and every 6 years or so our research is assessed and money allocated accordingly. So, the emphasis is on research and most of the pressure and stress we have is related to researc pressure and how to balance the teaching with the need to publish publish publish. Really the phrase "publish or perish" is not a joke. In the last 6 months or so I have been thinking of writing a book on a particular topic that I thought was fairly topical and quite interesting. However, I was uncertain about writing it alone given just having finshed the book conversion for my thesis so I thought of an edited collection. Because I'm inexperienced in such matters (how do you get people to write for you, for example?) I asked my former PhD supervisor to edit it with me: his name and experience would be invaluable for me and his name on the book and when asking people to write a piece for it would be great as well. I told him I was willing to do the donkey work (chasing people, editing, dealing with publishers etc) and asked him to think about. I had already spoken briefly to a couple of publishers and both thought it sounded interesting. Anyway, he said he would think about it before Christmas and got back to me then today. He said he would like to be involved as he thought it sounded interesting but was concerned about other work commitments. He then went on to say that he had asked one of his PhD students (a friend of mine) to be involved and help me with the editing. He said he should have asked me first (uh, yes) and apologised for not. Now I know this girl, I've blogged briefly about it her: she's very good, probably a better academic than I ever will be, but she can make me feel so inferior: she got a job before finishing her PhD, she's on at least 5 grand more than me (in another university) and has already a number of publications. I intended asking her to write a chapter for the collection, but I'm not sure I want her name on the cover. It's even worse because I had never mentioned the possibility of a book to her, not out of malice but because it's barely a half baked idea. Now my former supervisor has asked her and I'm not sure what to say. I replied to my former supervisor and said that I was non committal about it and needed to think about it. So I'm in a quandrary. I don't want her taking control of it, but if she's an editor she has as much say as I do. Even worse, she phoned me this morning to see how I was, but I was in a marking meeting and now she's emailed me. I hadn't phoned her back this afternoon as I was busy but now I'm avoiding her as I don't know what to say. I think I'm going to have to be honest and say I need to think about it as I hadn't even anticipated my supervisor saying yes.
On top of all that, I have 160 exam questions to mark, a teaching course all next week, another module to mark the following week and two assignments of my own to write. And people think I do nothing.
Tuesday, 12 January 2010
Grotty
Tomorrow is the last day of the antibiotics and I'm not sure they've worked entirely. Over the weekend my glands were very swollen and sore as were my ears and that continued until yesterday. My throat still feels sore when I swallow and my eyes are all gunky and I have this cough as well. I haven't been into work since last Wednesday and today was the first time I've the left the house since then as well. I haven't officially been off sick as I've been marking practice questions at home and responding to the online forum where the students can post questions. I actually wish I had gone off sick officially because then I would have been able to ignore everything, but that would have left the module co-ordinator the only one moderating the forums and marking practice questions as the other lecturer on the course was on annual leave. Instead I got myself worked up over a couple of students; one in particular was nagging to meet me and I ended up having to cancel on them twice. They then bombarded me with questions which is fair enough, but these questions weren't problems with the material, instead they were simply asking "what is the answer". I emailed back answers to 9 questions and stated that they should use the online forum instead. I got an email back asking one last question. I replied and then last night when I got another email asking more or less "what is this section all about", I flipped, cut and pasted the email to the forum, answered it there and emailed student and said it was answered on the forum, not to email me again as I would not be answering private emails as it was unfair on other students. After that the module co-ordiantor contacted me to say the student had also hassled her about my topic and that student appears not to have done the reading. The exam is tomorrow. All was fine until this evening when I discovered more questions from student on discussion forum, which I had already answered by email to student! I nearly burst into tears, which I know is partly to do with still not feeling great as well as not having taken my venlafaxine last night. As it's slow release missing a dose is felt more or less immediately.
So, I'm heading into work tomorrow to collect exams for marking. I'm debating whether I wait until Thursday to phone the doc and say I'm still not feeling right or to do it tomorrow. Guess I should finish the antibiotics and see how tomorrow goes first of all. I'm also worried because work is already piling up: 2 assignments for the PG teaching course are due in mid Feb, next week is full with the teaching course classes, marking in the evenings and monitoring my other class forum for problems. After next week's PG teaching course classes I'm going to have another 2 assignments for May. And after all that teaching will start fairly soon and while mine is light this term, I'm terrified I'm going to mess it up.
So, I'm heading into work tomorrow to collect exams for marking. I'm debating whether I wait until Thursday to phone the doc and say I'm still not feeling right or to do it tomorrow. Guess I should finish the antibiotics and see how tomorrow goes first of all. I'm also worried because work is already piling up: 2 assignments for the PG teaching course are due in mid Feb, next week is full with the teaching course classes, marking in the evenings and monitoring my other class forum for problems. After next week's PG teaching course classes I'm going to have another 2 assignments for May. And after all that teaching will start fairly soon and while mine is light this term, I'm terrified I'm going to mess it up.
Thursday, 7 January 2010
I'm ill
I'm not ill that often other than my usual problems, but this time it's the worst sore throat I have ever had. I had made an appointment with the nurse to get my bloods checked for the methotrexate and I remembered that the booklet that tells me all about the methotrexate says that if you have a sore throat you are to contact your doctor immediately. I told this to the nurse and she arranged for the doctor to see me: not my usual lovely GP but the on call one who was very nice as well. Suffice to say that I now have penicillin and a mouthwash to gargle with instructions to rest and come back if it doesn't improve. So I've taken my first dose and about to watch Doctors on BBC1 before retiring back to bed for a while. I can do some work that needs doing from home: practice questions for the students that need marking and emailed back to them and also monitor the online discussion forum that we use. I had to cancel a meeting with one student who apparently has lots of questions. I'm a bit at a loss as to what these could be as the discussion forum has been used and all students have access to that. Anyway, I told him to email them to me and I'd answer as many as I could by email and see him next Tuesday all being well.
I can't believe it's 2010 already! Within a couple of weeks work will start on the timetable for the next academic year, students will have finished exams and the second semester will have started. I have to start thinking about an external examiner for the new module I want to introduce in September and I have no idea who to get. It's really difficult to think of someone and to know someone when you are a complete novice in the field and only starting out on your career. I'd like to ask my old supervisor but I'm not sure he would do it and I think there are a load of rules governing it. Anyone I did my PhD with are also not experienced enough:(
I can't believe it's 2010 already! Within a couple of weeks work will start on the timetable for the next academic year, students will have finished exams and the second semester will have started. I have to start thinking about an external examiner for the new module I want to introduce in September and I have no idea who to get. It's really difficult to think of someone and to know someone when you are a complete novice in the field and only starting out on your career. I'd like to ask my old supervisor but I'm not sure he would do it and I think there are a load of rules governing it. Anyone I did my PhD with are also not experienced enough:(
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