I seem to be losing friends these days rather than making them.
The latest is my flatmate. I've blogged a bit about her loser boyfriend: in a nutshell: he had an affair with her years ago while still married - am disgusted at her with that as she knew about his wife - they split up, she met someone else, split up with the new bloke and got back together with this guy three years ago or more now. The marriage was allegedly over when they first went out and he was sleeping on the sofa, yeah right. He's been getting divorced ever since they got back together but it's still not through. Over a year into the relationship he told her that not only did he have a daughter with his wife, who my friend knew about, he also had another 16 year old daughter with another woman he was once engaged to. Her family is disgusted at it, she has totally lost contact with most of her friends, I have lived with her for nearly a year now and have known her well for 10 years and yet I can count on one hand the number of times I have met him. She has embraced his family as her own, he has alienated her from her family and friends and she does all the running in the relationship. He clicks his fingers and she drives half an hour to his place, at all hours, including 1.30am. If they have a row, he kicks her out of his place and she drives home. She told me last week, by email that she was moving in with him. I was furious that she told me by email and I replied, by email, telling her that I didn't know her any more and she didn't know me and I wasn't remotely surprised and that I never saw her any more. She replied saying she found it difficult to talk to me as I was so negative about boyf and various other things and I told her that she was making a commitment in moving in with him but that he wasn't as he's already been married and had children and been engaged etc all before. She was meant to be back last Thursday but she's arrived only tonight and is off on holiday with boyf and his SISTER(!) on Friday and won't be sleeping here again. We're apparently talking on Wednesday evening but I'm not hopeful. I'm not even sure what she wants me to say or what she wants to talk about. It feel as if she wants me to tell her it's wonderful and to go on ahead but I'm not doing that because it's the worst move of her life and I'll be the mug picking up the pieces in the future when he dumps her. I'm tired of doing that when no one is around to pick up the pieces of me when my life goes pear-shaped. She doesn't even know how bad my joints have been nor the fact that I'm looking at going on the methotrextate and the implications of all of that. I know that I'm the one responsible for my body and what I decide to do but sometimes it would be nice to talk to someone else about it and the pros and cons.
Monday 22 June 2009
Monday 15 June 2009
Hullo
I'm back again, after a long, unexpected absence. Partly because I was away and then at a conference and partly because I had nothing remotely interesting to say.
The wedding in Portugal was very good. Lovely weather, just marred somewhat by the fact that they seem to have no disabled access whatsoever. My friend is a wheelchair user (paraplegic) and phoned in advance to make sure the hotel was accessible. They said yes but unfortunately their idea of an accessible room is wider doors and no cupboard under the sink. She was still expected to be able to get in and out of a bathtub to shower. The area itself was lovely but kerbs all over the place. And although two of my colleagues were also attending the wedding and staying in the same hotel they weren't interested in helping out or spending time with us other than breakfast. I found that quite hurtful as they made it quite clear my wheelchair friend was my responsibility. Given the fact that I'm not the best jointwise myself I found some of it quite stressful, especially when I had to refuse point blank to go into the nearby city with her as we were told it was completely hilly, old, cobbly and inaccessible. Once again, my oh so friendly colleagues were completely unhelpful. I also discovered that all the rest of my oh so friendly colleagues at the wedding had exchanged mobile numbers again before going, but not me. When I told one of my friends she asked me why I was still working where I am.
After that wedding I was in London for a conference, boring boring boring. Best part of London was the day I went home as before leaving I spent the morning in the Wellcome Museum: loved it loved it loved it!
Once home the marking started: unbelievable how generous the person in charge of the module I teach on wanted me to be. Also completely unbelievable how resistant he is to any change. I am finding him very difficult to work with: he won't have a module review meeting where all the lecturers involved in the module can discuss the module, how well it's working, any improvements we could make etc. Nope, not for him. Working with him is extremely stressful for me and I'm hoping I won't have anything to do with him next year. I hesitate to use the word bully, but sometimes it feels like that.
I was then at home for a week as dad was off on a golfing holiday and mum didn't want to stay alone, so got the exams marked and headed home to look at tiles and various things for the new place (when the bank finally get their finger out). Also had a rheumatology appointment. He wants to inject both my knees and elbows and is thinking of changing my medication to methotrexate. I'm a bit worried: last couple of times I've had ONE joint injected I've not been very well. This time he's going to do all three at once, or at least as many as I can tolerate. He said he'd do it ASAP but I think his ASAP and mine are two different things! I'm also slightly concerned about the methotrexate, it's very toxic but at the same time I'm so sick of all these swollen joints and how shitty they make me feel.
My yearly review is in a couple of weeks. I think I've done an ok year's work: at least as far as I'm aware the students haven't complained about me. The sad thing is that it doesn't matter how good a lecturer I am, what matters is the research I do and the money I bring in. It's a sad indictment of the way things work these days.
I have a few more gripes to get off my chest but I'll save those for tomorrow: I'm tired now and need to go to bed.
The wedding in Portugal was very good. Lovely weather, just marred somewhat by the fact that they seem to have no disabled access whatsoever. My friend is a wheelchair user (paraplegic) and phoned in advance to make sure the hotel was accessible. They said yes but unfortunately their idea of an accessible room is wider doors and no cupboard under the sink. She was still expected to be able to get in and out of a bathtub to shower. The area itself was lovely but kerbs all over the place. And although two of my colleagues were also attending the wedding and staying in the same hotel they weren't interested in helping out or spending time with us other than breakfast. I found that quite hurtful as they made it quite clear my wheelchair friend was my responsibility. Given the fact that I'm not the best jointwise myself I found some of it quite stressful, especially when I had to refuse point blank to go into the nearby city with her as we were told it was completely hilly, old, cobbly and inaccessible. Once again, my oh so friendly colleagues were completely unhelpful. I also discovered that all the rest of my oh so friendly colleagues at the wedding had exchanged mobile numbers again before going, but not me. When I told one of my friends she asked me why I was still working where I am.
After that wedding I was in London for a conference, boring boring boring. Best part of London was the day I went home as before leaving I spent the morning in the Wellcome Museum: loved it loved it loved it!
Once home the marking started: unbelievable how generous the person in charge of the module I teach on wanted me to be. Also completely unbelievable how resistant he is to any change. I am finding him very difficult to work with: he won't have a module review meeting where all the lecturers involved in the module can discuss the module, how well it's working, any improvements we could make etc. Nope, not for him. Working with him is extremely stressful for me and I'm hoping I won't have anything to do with him next year. I hesitate to use the word bully, but sometimes it feels like that.
I was then at home for a week as dad was off on a golfing holiday and mum didn't want to stay alone, so got the exams marked and headed home to look at tiles and various things for the new place (when the bank finally get their finger out). Also had a rheumatology appointment. He wants to inject both my knees and elbows and is thinking of changing my medication to methotrexate. I'm a bit worried: last couple of times I've had ONE joint injected I've not been very well. This time he's going to do all three at once, or at least as many as I can tolerate. He said he'd do it ASAP but I think his ASAP and mine are two different things! I'm also slightly concerned about the methotrexate, it's very toxic but at the same time I'm so sick of all these swollen joints and how shitty they make me feel.
My yearly review is in a couple of weeks. I think I've done an ok year's work: at least as far as I'm aware the students haven't complained about me. The sad thing is that it doesn't matter how good a lecturer I am, what matters is the research I do and the money I bring in. It's a sad indictment of the way things work these days.
I have a few more gripes to get off my chest but I'll save those for tomorrow: I'm tired now and need to go to bed.
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