Long time

I haven't written in nearly a month, simply because I've been too busy and have been close to tears virtually every evening after work.  I made it through my teaching course and all the marking but it was a close shave.  I was getting up in the morning feeling worse than I felt when I went to bed.  It wasn't helped by the fact that my throat was still bad and I started a cough.  I went back to the doctor who said it was clear and then I went back the following week to the nurse for blood tests and she sent me down to the doctor because I looked so bad and told her I felt so awful.  It wasn't my usual doctor and I came close to breaking down as I told her I was close to tears most of the time.  She gave me decongestants and said to come back if I felt no better.  Two weeks later I was back with my own doctor who listened to my chest, gave me an inhaler and said to come back if no better after using it for 2 weeks.  I've been using it a week now and I notice the difference after using it; however, I have finally made it back to the pool and I can tell from that that my breathing isn't right.  Still another week to go.  I also asked my GP when I was there if it would be crazy if I went skiing.  I've been before when I was 16 on a school trip but I'd really like to try it again, and before I went skiing I want to do one of the day courses you can do at indoor slopes.  She didn't see why not and said she'd check with hubby. 

On other things, exam results are out.  All my students passed, some of them did very well.  Now starts the giving of feedback.  I've already sent out the coursework feedback and said that if any of them want feedback on their exam to let me know.  I'm seeing 2 so far, one tomorrow and one on Monday. 

I'd felt slightly calmer until this week when I've just been inundated with admin and meetings and I'm starting to feel stressed and emotional again.  I feel as if I've done far more than my other probationary colleagues, including those who started a year or more before me.  I did all I said I would do last year, I've contributed to teaching on core modules, I've introduced one new module and hope to introduce another one next year as well as contributing to a new masters course that looks like starting.  Yet that wasn't considered sufficient and I was made head of a year as well meaning I deal with all student problems as well as sit on every committee there is.  And they call that light admin.  The worst thing is that one colleague who started with me didn't get done what she said she'd do for last October until August and she gets no admin.  Another guy doesn't do any marking, gets away with, gets away with being a crap lecturer and he gets no admin because everyone knows he won't do it.  It's clearly a case of being punished with admin because you show you can do what you say.  I have a meeting with the head of department and my probationary committee at the start of March and if I continue feeling as stressed and down as I do now I will be bringing a lot of this up with them.