Wednesday, 1 April 2009

I'm still feeling crap. I'm back to bussing it everywhere because my joints are sore and I'm breaking out in a sweat at the effort of walking even short distances. I've stopped going to the gym and am now just swimming to see if that helps in anyway. I was also back with my GP today and I'm back on the anti-inflammatories and stomach tablets to see if that helps and go back in a week. She was talking about a short course of oral steroids but I've never really had those before and not sure I want to go down that route. At the same time, I'm off to Portugal in 6 weeks and the thought of having to go like this is too much. I want to stay within 15 mins of my bed right now.

I also have an appointment with a psychologist next week: a male psychologist. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I don't want to speak to anyone but I'm not sure if it will be helped or hindered by it being a male. I also haven't told my GP that I have been self-harming so no doubt she'll be getting a phone call after the session, if it I tell it that is. This talking therapy is just not me, I'm not a person who gets on well with people immediately or who is at ease in a crowd, either professionally or personally and I'm definitely not someone who talks about personal things to strangers. I don't even talk about them with my friends! I understand the theory behind CBT and 'talking therapy' but I remain to be convinced as to its efficacy. When talking to someone it is always possible to put a different spin on things and to find something good in anything, but when you're by yourself after 10 weeks of that it's very difficult to do it alone. I don't mean to be doom and gloom, I'm just trying very hard to express how tough I find the whole process of talking to people.

1 comment:

BenefitScroungingScum said...

Just seen this. Y'know it's 7pm and I'm about to fall asleep so forgive my ramblings!
I think when things get physically tough they get mentally tough and it can quickly become impossible to figure out which is what. Or what is which. Who knows.
Anyway, rambly nonsense aside are you expecting too much of yourself? Sounds to me like you've got an awful lot on your plate. I'd be really depressed if I had to use what little energy I have to do something I hated. Maybe it's time to seriously consider getting back to uni?
Lots of love and a gentle hug, BG x