I'm still feeling crap. I'm back to bussing it everywhere because my joints are sore and I'm breaking out in a sweat at the effort of walking even short distances. I've stopped going to the gym and am now just swimming to see if that helps in anyway. I was also back with my GP today and I'm back on the anti-inflammatories and stomach tablets to see if that helps and go back in a week. She was talking about a short course of oral steroids but I've never really had those before and not sure I want to go down that route. At the same time, I'm off to Portugal in 6 weeks and the thought of having to go like this is too much. I want to stay within 15 mins of my bed right now.

I also have an appointment with a psychologist next week: a male psychologist. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I don't want to speak to anyone but I'm not sure if it will be helped or hindered by it being a male. I also haven't told my GP that I have been self-harming so no doubt she'll be getting a phone call after the session, if it I tell it that is. This talking therapy is just not me, I'm not a person who gets on well with people immediately or who is at ease in a crowd, either professionally or personally and I'm definitely not someone who talks about personal things to strangers. I don't even talk about them with my friends! I understand the theory behind CBT and 'talking therapy' but I remain to be convinced as to its efficacy. When talking to someone it is always possible to put a different spin on things and to find something good in anything, but when you're by yourself after 10 weeks of that it's very difficult to do it alone. I don't mean to be doom and gloom, I'm just trying very hard to express how tough I find the whole process of talking to people.