Next day

I had my first teaching today: it was terrible. I always find the first one is but after yesterday it was even worse. The powerpoint was ridiculously long, the material was complicated and I hadn't read over it properly. If any of them stay in the class it will be a miracle.

I can't stop thinking about my colleague yesterday, I know I should put it behind me but I'm finding it really difficult to. He came into the post room today when I was there (with others) and we both said hello.

I also had my psychologist appointment today. Apparently I have 4 more so it's down to 1 a fortnight now. I'm not sure if it's working or not. I am trying to rationalise my thoughts but it's incredibly difficult in relation to my colleague. I didn't mention it to her, maybe I should have. I did, however, mention the dark thoughts. Not in so many words that I keep having thoughts as to how I might commit suicide, but that the thoughts were dark. My GP didn't mention it yesterday when I saw her but she was busy with the methotrexate.

I took the methotrexate last night: no side effects as yet, not sure if it needs to build up in my system first, but I'm not complaining! The only thing I noticed is that I went to bed at 6.30 for a lie down and woke at 8.20! Normally if I sleep like that during the day I'd wake an awful lot. If it is an effect of the drug I hope that it works at night when I'm meant to be sleeping!