And so, I met with dishy Dave today. It was just an introductory meeting, what did I want from it, short, medium, longterm goals. So short term goal is to lose weight, medium term is to run a leg of a marathon (if that's wise given the hip) and long term is next September to walk into the department and have people ask who's that! It's going to be hardcore, DD is hardcore, but it's what I want as I want to be slim, fit, healthy, feel more confident, have a higher self-esteem and just feel good about myself. So, I'm in it for the long run (no pun intended). I'm going to be completely broke, especially as I need new trainers and the actual training is going to cost me £35 a go and I'm seeing DD twice each week for the next two weeks. But it WILL be worth it.
I went to the asthma nurse and have to take my peak flow readings morning and evening for the next 3 weeks. It was still 350 today, so lower than the 465 it should be, sounds significantly lower to me. It will be interesting to see what it's like over the next few weeks.
Work is hectic: I have a new admin role running a personal tutor system and I'm not sure how it's working. As usual some members of staff refuse to do it, so our head of education is telling the head of school but I'm not convinced the head will do anything which means that a number of students will not have a personal tutor. And potentially means I'll be taking up the shortfall.
Wednesday, 6 October 2010
Monday, 4 October 2010
So
Switzerland was fab, so fab I went back to Geneva for a long weekend over my birthday:) I had a chest infection at the end of August and coughed until I got to Geneva: that's how clean the air is. Everything about the country is amazing: the mountains, the people, the scenery, the watches, the chocolate:) Unfortunately the chocolate was too nice and I did nothing but eat it. Weight is all back and on and more.
The chest infection has left my breathing not quite right - I know because I swim so much and I can't swim as far without having to breathe. I went back to my GP who thinks I may have slight asthma. Unfortunately she had to weigh me to work out what my peak flow should be:( I'm seriously obese - 15 stone. My peak flow should be about 465, it's 350. So I'm back to the asthma nurse on Wednesday for further tests. Then we had a chat about my weight. I did say that I'd been trying to lose it with weightwatchers but my heart hasn't been in it. And I'm starting a personal trainer on Wednesday. She said I could take in a food diary to her if I wanted to but I don't know. I may leave it for a bit. At the same time I wonder if it would be nice to just discuss it with someone. WW doesn't really allow for that.
Unfortunately because of my weight, next time I get my bloods done she wants me to have a diabetes check, cholestorel and thyroid:( I don't want to know my cholesterol levels. I'm thinking I may forget the next time at the end of October and maybe do it at the end of November... then this afternoon I got a phone call from the receptionist saying that next time I get my bloods done I have to get my B12 levels done too - no idea why: it must be something to do with the methotrextate but there's not overly much information on the internet.
Today I've gone cold turkey on the chocolate and sweets. I'm hoping to manage it for a week. Hopefully WW on Thursday night. Weekends are always bad. I want to lose weight so much. My GP is right, it will be better for my joints, my health, my peak flow, my heart, my self-esteem and my confidence. It may even help my depression which is rearing its ugly head right now. I can't get thoughts of razor blades and cutting myself out of my head.
The chest infection has left my breathing not quite right - I know because I swim so much and I can't swim as far without having to breathe. I went back to my GP who thinks I may have slight asthma. Unfortunately she had to weigh me to work out what my peak flow should be:( I'm seriously obese - 15 stone. My peak flow should be about 465, it's 350. So I'm back to the asthma nurse on Wednesday for further tests. Then we had a chat about my weight. I did say that I'd been trying to lose it with weightwatchers but my heart hasn't been in it. And I'm starting a personal trainer on Wednesday. She said I could take in a food diary to her if I wanted to but I don't know. I may leave it for a bit. At the same time I wonder if it would be nice to just discuss it with someone. WW doesn't really allow for that.
Unfortunately because of my weight, next time I get my bloods done she wants me to have a diabetes check, cholestorel and thyroid:( I don't want to know my cholesterol levels. I'm thinking I may forget the next time at the end of October and maybe do it at the end of November... then this afternoon I got a phone call from the receptionist saying that next time I get my bloods done I have to get my B12 levels done too - no idea why: it must be something to do with the methotrextate but there's not overly much information on the internet.
Today I've gone cold turkey on the chocolate and sweets. I'm hoping to manage it for a week. Hopefully WW on Thursday night. Weekends are always bad. I want to lose weight so much. My GP is right, it will be better for my joints, my health, my peak flow, my heart, my self-esteem and my confidence. It may even help my depression which is rearing its ugly head right now. I can't get thoughts of razor blades and cutting myself out of my head.
Sunday, 15 August 2010
checking in
It's been over 2 months since I posted so just a quick one to check in with everyone and say that I haven't disappeared off the face of the earth.
Chicken pox was NOT nice at all: I was covered in them. I read somewhere that the average number of spots is 200 but I had 200 on every limb and still have the marks to prove it. I had a ridiculously high temperature for a week or so and didn't budge from my bed for over a week: too weak. I lost a stone (now back on:() as I wasn't eating. At one point I was dehydrated. I went home to my parents and honestly believe that if I hadn't I would definitely had been in hospital, if not dead. I ended up off work for 6 weeks and really could have taken more as I still get exhausted very easily. I'm back at work 3 weeks and have spent every Thursday in bed as I was so tired. I'm off now for 2 weeks holidays, so hopefully they will revive me as I'm off to Switzerland: land of convalesence!
I was back at work all of 2 hours before my blood pressure rose and I felt like screaming. Just the utter discrimination of the place: someone getting proposed for accelerated probation for really no good reason and there's a possibility of me failing it (my probationary committee are saying this) as my teaching and admin are excellent but research may be thought of as lacking by the central university when the time comes. I got upset, but right now, frankly I don't care. Probationary isn't just about me being good enough for the university, it's about the university being good enough for me. So, if, this time next year, I fail then I will be sitting back and considering whether I want to stay in the university.
On other news, my book is finally published! I'm in the middle of posting copies to various people who deserve a free one. Just so relieved to have it out. I haven't even really told anyone in the department as they'll only want to know when the next one will be out rather than congratulating me. And there will be no book launch. Or if there is, the author won't be at it.
I've had a friend staying with me for the last week. I met her on an erasmus year abroad and hadn't seen her in 10 years: exhausted from the sightseeing and feeling slightly guilty that I didn't go out drinking in the evenings and show her the nightlife, but I didn't have the energy. As it stood, I left her up most nights and went to bed!
Chicken pox was NOT nice at all: I was covered in them. I read somewhere that the average number of spots is 200 but I had 200 on every limb and still have the marks to prove it. I had a ridiculously high temperature for a week or so and didn't budge from my bed for over a week: too weak. I lost a stone (now back on:() as I wasn't eating. At one point I was dehydrated. I went home to my parents and honestly believe that if I hadn't I would definitely had been in hospital, if not dead. I ended up off work for 6 weeks and really could have taken more as I still get exhausted very easily. I'm back at work 3 weeks and have spent every Thursday in bed as I was so tired. I'm off now for 2 weeks holidays, so hopefully they will revive me as I'm off to Switzerland: land of convalesence!
I was back at work all of 2 hours before my blood pressure rose and I felt like screaming. Just the utter discrimination of the place: someone getting proposed for accelerated probation for really no good reason and there's a possibility of me failing it (my probationary committee are saying this) as my teaching and admin are excellent but research may be thought of as lacking by the central university when the time comes. I got upset, but right now, frankly I don't care. Probationary isn't just about me being good enough for the university, it's about the university being good enough for me. So, if, this time next year, I fail then I will be sitting back and considering whether I want to stay in the university.
On other news, my book is finally published! I'm in the middle of posting copies to various people who deserve a free one. Just so relieved to have it out. I haven't even really told anyone in the department as they'll only want to know when the next one will be out rather than congratulating me. And there will be no book launch. Or if there is, the author won't be at it.
I've had a friend staying with me for the last week. I met her on an erasmus year abroad and hadn't seen her in 10 years: exhausted from the sightseeing and feeling slightly guilty that I didn't go out drinking in the evenings and show her the nightlife, but I didn't have the energy. As it stood, I left her up most nights and went to bed!
Sunday, 13 June 2010
Thursday, 10 June 2010
Cat II
He's home! He was trapped in the roofspace of an empty house behind us. So relieved. Going for a nap now as I've scarcely slept since he went missing.
Wednesday, 9 June 2010
Monday, 7 June 2010
Last week
I didn't make it to WW last week and so didn't post my new weight. On Monday my parents went off on a city break arriving at 9pm that night. On Tuesday morning I got a phone call from my cousin's husband saying that her brother (my cousin) had committed suicide. I had to phone mum and dad and tell them. The immediate family were adamant that they weren't to come home so they didn't. The funeral was last week as well so I didn't make it back to university town to go to WW. I doubt I would have lost anything as I've been eating like a pig, and not a good pig.
It's strange the whole thing is preying much more on my mind now than last week. I can't stop thinking about him and what he did. And the thoughts are scaring me. The whole family is devastated, no note and left wondering why, especially as they all saw him in the previous two days and he was laughing and talking about what he was going to do the next day. They wonder was he looking to be found before dying as it was out in the open so to speak. But you can't wonder why, because sometimes there is no why and there just is. And I wish there wasn't.
It's strange the whole thing is preying much more on my mind now than last week. I can't stop thinking about him and what he did. And the thoughts are scaring me. The whole family is devastated, no note and left wondering why, especially as they all saw him in the previous two days and he was laughing and talking about what he was going to do the next day. They wonder was he looking to be found before dying as it was out in the open so to speak. But you can't wonder why, because sometimes there is no why and there just is. And I wish there wasn't.
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